So I owe you some updates

Been suffering an existential crises last few days. Let me explain...

For a few weeks I've been reading about the health benefits of fasting and raw food diets. So last Thursday, sort of on a whim, I decided to try a 3 day fast starting after dinner. I made it 2 days and I'll sum it up with one word: HUNGRY. On Friday and Saturday we saw a lot of our friends and neighbors and the reoccurring questions about the fast was 'WHY?'. I got sick of going over all the alleged health benefits to glazed over eyes and eventually just answered 'To see what it is about'.

But the 'why' kept bugging me.

Why am I fasting?
Why am I exercising a minimum of an hour a day?
Why am I running?
Why am I spending my quality time sitting on a bike out in the middle of no where?
Why do I care what I look like?

Seriously, why AM I doing this? Is it some sort of midlife crisis? What am I trying to prove? Am I subconsciously building some sort of Warrior-geek persona? Honestly, what is the point?

I'm definitely not trying to prove that I've still got it - frankly, I've never had it. I'm not and never have been an athlete of any particular caliber. I've challenged myself and pushed through to complete some fairly arduous tasks, but it wasn't like I was driven by some deep rooted vision to do these things. I did them to see if I could.

Here's the thing - I don't take any great joy out of running, cycling, and swimming. I don't particularly care for being astoundingly sore in one part of the body or another everyday. I do like the way my body looks better and, when not in agony, I overall feel better I guess, so I suppose I'm weighing if that is worth all the time spent to get here and how much more do I have to do to myself...

I have noticed that I have become a pretty self absorbed, selfish jerk. All of my time has become research on how to get better, or exercising, or thinking about my body fat or diet. I become a jackass when the family interferes with a scheduled workout session. My conversations with our friends and neighbors end up circling back to what I'm doing etc etc.

I've gone from Uberslob to Deacon in the Church of Fitness.

I guess I need to work on some sort of balance. So I'm struggling right now...

-Wes

Days left: 38
Drink log: 26/56 and 53 days with none.
Miles Ridden: 256.5/750
Miles Run: 31/100